Saturday, June 29, 2019

Ancient Secrets of Norwich or Undead Hill Giant Murder Disco

We begin our session with Daryl attempting to defeat Nega-Daryl once again to hopefully attain his mother's gift. Daryl forgot he has spell resistance in Karstim form so this fight went very different. Once ND was defeated Daryl found an icy town village with dragon statues called Norwich.

Dranas is sucking titties.

Daryl (in Karstim form) begins to explore Norwich and finds that it is very cold and a gazebo in the middle of town is made of ice. magical ice. ice that never seems to melt, despite giving off a cold steam. D's then discovers a cathedral with a large dragon statue atop it's roof. below is inscribed a depiction of 2 eggs, one on the left and one on the right. There is also a depiction of Apsu giving birth to various deities. a sign is displayed on the front of the cathedral that reads: Norwich Church of Apsu

The cathedral is cloudy with ice and ivory. There is an area big enough for a full size dragon to enter the Narthex. Pews seem to be arranged such that humans are meant to sit to the left while dragon-sized pews are located to the right.
"Dernbach, Karstim" is written on a door. Upon entering the room, Karstim finds a fine adamantite set of armor and a ring that seem to be the gifts his mother intended for him. He also discovers a mysterious picture of an unknown girl (Una for now). She seems to be a daughter of the Karstim family. Has Daryl found a long lost sister?

 The boys teleport to the library under the Oasis.

Sweets and Gaelic aren't there but Volkorn uses this opportunity to scold Dranas after learning the cost of their Black Lotus collection. They brought 3 jars with 3 bulbs of Lotus in each one... but at what cost? Volkorn is aware that entire villages have been ravaged by these creations.

SweetChuck is scryed only to be found participating in a ménage à trois with 2 goblin "ladies of the night".

The Party teleports there and Stug Immediately:
finds snuff
breaks the table
begins to quickly repair the table.

 A weird orgy ensues.

 Post-Coitus, the party remembers they still haven't accounted for Gaelic's whereabouts and scry him as well but are shocked to find him being questioned by BrokeBack bandits! A super top secret highest clearance stealth tactical mission quest assignment began as the team teleported in and successfully extracted the HVT (High Value Target) from the Hot Zone without detection.

Now that the Party is complete again, Volkorn scryes the undead hill giant army we've seen once before, when searching for Zarkan and the team forms a 2-step plan.

1. spell cast.
2. beat ass.

Volkorn and the boys then proceeded to interrupt an unexpecting wizard's lunch to turn the quarry into a murder-disco as Dranas paralyzed the caster and Karstim went to town on some hill giants.
The wizard was found to be dressed in a reddish robe with a golden necklace. He also had a Mantle of Faith, and an Evil Wand of Protector.

What will happen next time? Will Karstim get to satiate his hunger? are there more giants? Tune in next time to find out. or not. whatever. we have like 2 listeners on this bullshit and one of them is me. we have more party members than 2 for Cayden's sake. like... really?

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Nega-Daryl: your dragon concierge or Dranas's Daddy Dojo

Picking up in Cinocard, Daryl finally takes his last sip of Mother's Milk and begins to transform before the magically sealed entrance below the Chum Bucket. Volkorn assists by teleporting them both away to a safe clearing. The Kobayashi Maru ensues and we cut to a heartwarming display of fatherly love as Dranas catches up with his kids. SweetChuck teleports back to The Nice One Inn located in Kobm and has some ale.
MP3 link

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

ChumBucket Fight Club or Alliances and Alignments

The boys arrive to Cinocard, a town in the northlands inhabited by humans that transmorph their skin to dragonscales. Steeds were left at the Chum Bucket and Bill agrees to lead us on a tour of the history of this place.
MP3 Link

Friday, June 7, 2019

Such a beautiful night out or Scorpions?! Wait! Elemental's too?!!

After Stugs return to the group, they were quite alarmed. As Stugs appearances have changed into more feline characteristics. After some time convincing the group, they are able to quit questioning the changes and banter on about if they should take the mansion or not. Gailic decides to make food as the group makes a decision. Eventually they decide to leave the mansion behind in Zeebo's, uh, capable hands? But he is happy in doing so reassuring the group that he will take care of the villagers and waves them off.

Daryl decides it is time to take form of a Dragon. Everyone decides they will climb on Daryls back. Stug calls out Ursa to ride as well. As they can tell there is not enough room for everyone. So after playing musical chairs the group decides who will ride who and Volkorn will be whisked away in Stugs strong champion arms. They fly until night starts to fall as they overpass a small quarry of Boulders and rubble.

Dranas heads out to get items for a fire to cook outdoors. Daryl scoffs at the idea of living like a peasant and creates his mansion door in aboulder. The rest follow but Dranas is stubborn and stays outside. Making sweet bread to eat and a good peaceful night to himself in his tent.

The group inside the mansion was having a great time. Food and drinks. Gailic dances with the mansions servants. Volkorn is perched on the couch watching the show and having a good time with the vibes. Stug decides to sleep, and eventually Daryl as well. As the party goes on in the living room something outside has a scent of something sweet in the air.

Back outside to Dranas as he sleeps, there is a spike that drops through his tent! Almost piercing his head! He rolls to his side. Then another spike comes down, narrowly missing his torso. Dranas leaves his belonging to run inside, naked. Gailic dancing with flour coated unseen servants and Volkorn just watching, Dranas bursts through the door! Yelling about how there is giant scorpions! They are battling 2 giant earth elemental's too! Trying to catch his breath.

He is invited to dance but refuses. Stating that his stuff is out there and maybe they might want to fight them? Volkorn does not care for this. Neither does Gailic. Stug and Daryl wake up from the commotion, and head to the window to see out the door. Sure enough there was giant beasts battling it out! After long talks about fighting or not the group takes a step outside, only for there to no longer be any fight going on and the two gargantuan sized scorpions are lifeless on the ground.

Gailic starts to break away the tail plating to reach its poison sack to harvest. He is able to do this cleanly. Volkorn decides he will try the other but cracks at the shell. He eventually asks Gailic for help. To which he complies and gives him some nice tips on harvesting poison a bit safer. Dranas is stabbing at the shell of the scorpion and it is quite durable. He asks Gailic if he can have the Scarab that he broke off earlier. He complies.

After harvesting the group Decides the trek onward to their chosen destination. What awaits then? Only time can tell.

Such a beautiful night out or Scorpions?! Wait! Elemental's too?!! - MP3

Thursday, June 6, 2019

Cobras Are Blood Thirsty Or How Do I Zip-line?!

Here we continue The Cobras mission to eradicate the Kobolds! Heading to the base of the mountain Stug assesses his groups ability to get up to the top where they believe an entrance may be. Teeger drinks a potion and heads up the mountain, undetected by the animals on its pass. The rest of the group goes up the steep side. After some struggling, and taunting from Drezban, the group makes it to an entrance. They head on into this cave where they eventual come up behind a Kobold sitting on the ledge with his lovable pet Mountain Lion. Teeger sneaks up on the kid and kills him instantly, the dog starts to howl but is also killed.

Talia searches the body to discover a weird contraption that she deduces will help with the zip-line. Teeger heads down first, to a small home on a cliff side within the hollow mountain. She peers in to see 2 more Kobold kids watching their Grandmother cooking. The rest head down, but Talia tries to use thew new item to help Zip-line. This is very slow as she is new to this device. Since Stug did not drink a pot a wolf started to howl. Teeger heads in, murdering the residence of this home. Then continue down to the next level attached to the Zip-line, but Teeger is still slowly making her way with her new device.

Teeger takes lead with the rest following. As they asses the next home Drezban tells Teeger he has an idea. For her to kick open the door and move away. She complies, and as she does Drezban sets off chained lightning killing 4 Kobold children. They continue their mayhem and Teeger figures out her Zip-Line Device, and is able to kill the Mountain lions that were starting to how alerting others. They keeps heading down killing people on one platform after another. Stugs eyes where caught by a nice house in the middle with a small pond and heads off on his own.

Stug meets a man claiming to be the leader of the Kobolds. They bot sit down at the pond with their feet bathing. They talk about what is going on. The Dragon, and how they became friends and depended on each other. He pleaded for Stug to spare the children at least, they are innocent. Stug used teleport to move behind him, telling him this is nothing personal and rips out his throat. He takes some items from this man and goes to meet his team.

They eventually get to the bottom where they see a large group of kids. Stug asks the group what their mission is, and that it is to eradicate those attacking the village. He asks the Cobra's to wait and leaps down whipping out his weapon he was granted from his wish. Turning one to stone, making another pop from poison. He eventually yells for the kids to leave and informs The Cobras their mission is complete.

The group head back into town. Many applauded them. Teeger was not happy with Skeeters attitude. Eventually she knocked him down and kicks him until he throws up. They eventually go off to celebrate at the bar as Stug heads off to release the the dragon. The ground rumbles and shakes. Teeger knows what has happened.

The group head back to Tor'ar in the morning. Teeger remembers her promise about the Stable master. She waits for the proper time for night to fall as she watches her prey. Studies his movements. Then she finds the opening. Shadow stepping into the barn to grab the Stable Master and beat him and releasing her rage to stab and slice him to death. His final words where garbled by blood, "You Orcish B---" as he passed to the afterlife

Cobras Are Blood Thirsty Or How Do I Zip-line?! - mp3

We are the Cobras or Where is our leader...

Here our main adventure takes a backseat to Stugs side adventure. We meet The Cobras.
  • Stug
  • Talia
  • Drezban
  • Clark
  • Teeger

    This tale begins in a Mash tent at the army section ot Tor'ar. The group discusses their mission, to eradicate the Kobolds that are attacking a farmland to the South East. They are informed this is essential because a big war is in their future. After much debate and no sight of their commanding office Stug they decide to set off. But first want to make a stop to get some essentials. They head off to get some horses where Teeger gets into it with the Stable master for calling her an Orcish Bitch. After much back and forth the group eventually decides to take some horses. But Teeger vows to never forget this dishonor.

    The group then head to the supplies tent to get items for their journey. But they are informed they are in need of a acquisition forms which they do not have. Teeger see's items that she is wanting. She decides to hop over the counter and intimidate this young lady into stepping aside as she takes what she wants. After pillaging the supplies tent the group heads off to the their destination.

    Along the way Drezban and Talia get into it with verbal jabs with each other. On the eve where they decide to set up camp, Dranas decides to Piss in Drezban's Tent. Drezban replies with creating a wall and spewing out Acid Fog. After some time they stop their petty squabble. After some time they hear a familiar noise. The Broke Back Bandits comes up. Teeger tosses up the Broke Back hand signs. They pull over and greet each other. As they do there is a pile of kids that hop out of the back of the wagon. They talk about the past time where a Sect of Broke Back Bandits where attacked and kids where murdered. Some of those children where Teeger's supposedly.

    After a night the group wakes up with The Broke Back Bandits gone. The group continues on to their mission. They eventually get to town to hear the sounds of battle. The Cobra's take action! As they do they hear the Kobold's screaming in fear that they are trying to really kill them. They knock one out and notice he had dull rusted weapons. The others were able to run away.

    Teeger ask's for rope and ties up the unconscious Kobold to the fence, with his limbs tied to the horses. After some back and forth the Kobold called Teeger an Orcish bitch. Which the only logical Teeger reaction is to have the horses walk away pulling the limbs from the Kobold until they tear out allowing him to bleed to death. But before he does, he yells out "She will be ours again!"

    Afterwards they see Stug behind them just watching. He greats his group and then the guy they helped save, Skeeter has them head to the bar.During which Stug eventually heads of to check around seeing carts of food coming from a mine. He sinks into the group to get closer to where he eventually finds a dragon chained up and being whipped and yelled at to produce a variety of different foods. It seems this dragon has a peculiar ability. They do seem to feed the dragon gold, but with a better look it would seem the dragon is malnourished. Stug shrouds himself to talk to the dragon. How she was with the kobolds injured and that her name was Petra. She talks about how the humans took her from the kobolds who were trying to help her heal. But now she is chained up to be beaten and forced to make food. She gets tased by her handler for the night and Stug heads away.

    What will come of this information Stug discovered? How will he lead his team? What will become of the Kobolds? Only time will tell.

    We are the Cobras or Where is our leader... - MP3

  • So this is Gnarlwind or Dranas the Carpenter!

    Our adventurers continue on their path to the north at the guide of Daryl. Where they come across a village. They venture out to check on the new village before them. They come across the town of Gnarlwind. A village of Orcs. Some appearing to just stare into the sky while some tend the farmlands surrounding the village. There is kids playing in the streets running around with goggles. Volkorn inquires about these goggles. The kids give him a pair that smears black oil over his eyes. As he tries to wash this off the oil just smears all over his face.

    Eventually they meet the Elder of Gnarlwind. To which they discover the old man is blind. Daryl keeps his gaze on the Staff perched behind the Elder. After small conversation the group is invited to stay and feast with them through the night but work would be required for payment. Volkorn promises Dranas to fill the labor needs of tending some farms and fixing the roof of a church.

    Dranas heads to his duties; Volkorn, Daryl, and Gailic head to the feast and partake in the fun. The crew drinks and eats as the sun sets. Volkorn decides to check in on Dranas. Leaving Gailic behind at the feast who is heading off with a couple other Orc's for some intimacy. Volkorn sees Dranas on the roof replacing the broken roof section. Volkorn attempts to use his large hammer to help but Dranas stops him from the destructive chance. Daryl sends his unseen servant to Volkorn with nails and hammer. Volkorn grabs a nail, but the unseen servant drops them all thinking he was taking all. Volkorn shoves the unseen servant off the roof. As they continue the repairs they hear monks training the the back of the church.

    Afterwards the group goes back to the feast. Eventually the group heads to sleep but Dranas decides to head into the woods, where he heard rumors of tigers. He is adamant about bathing in a river and believes there to be one near. As he heads into the woods he comes to a strange opening in the woods. With his guard dropped a group of Tigers pounce at their opportunity. Dranas backs into the opening only to be raked across the eyes, permanently blinded. He walks back even more only to realize the tigers are no longer pursuing. At this point Dranas feels some type of acid attack smacking him.

    Dranas messages Vokorn asking for help. Volkorn wakes up Daryl in hope to get find Dranas faster. As they are flying Daryl asks Vokorn where Dranas is. Volkorn replies " He said he is in the woods." Daryl expresses his disappointment. Dranas remembers he only has teleport scrolls in his backpack and grabs one to teleport back to town. He eventually messages Volkorn of his return. Dranas was healed but Volkorn says there is nothing he can do today about his eyes.

    After sleeping through the night. Dranas goes to get his improved Armor that has the bear rug attached to the inside. Volkorn also informs Dranas that the Elder invited him to cook with the other Orcs. Dranas complies and introduces his delicacies to the village. The women give him a gift of white powder.

    Eventually the group take off after the meal but start to decide how they want to head to their destination north.

    So this is Gnarlwind or Dranas the Carpenter! - MP3